One of the most fun things about the Fallout series was that IT WAS NOT FOR CHILDREN. It was not only post-apocalypse, but post-ethical, and downright postal. The interaction between sex, death, and the unsavory behavior everyone was pretty extreme… at least so it seemed to me.

Here’s my reviewer creds:
Playtime: 24+ hours on normal difficulty, four characters and at least several chapters into the main story (after the introduction of the Enclave)
Version: PC
Resolution: 1600×1048, but screen lag forced me to move to a lower resolution
Number of Crashes: More than 5, less than 10
Do I intend to finish the game? Maybe, once I find the cheat codes…

Well, Bethesda, in re-purposing their Oblivion engine, has brought Fallout 3 franchise to life. And they’ve made it into a modular improvement model so they can keep adding functionality at $40 future releases.

So the good news, it’s relatively stable. It’s relatively fun. There’s only been one or two places that I’ve actually laughed out loud. There’s a decent pastiche to Lovecraft which I’ve played all the way through, and I’ve both saved and destroyed Megaton. So what’s my problem with it?

Maybe I’m jaded but I missed the sexual innuendo that came with the preceding Fallouts - hell, not that I’m a proponent for bovine copulation, but it was just given that everyone fucked anything in the preceding Fallouts… It’s like Conan - the women where whores and so were the men. But… I can overlook this one issue.

Duality morality needs an enema. The whole Angelic vs. Demonic behavior… in this game it’s “karma”… is the worst metric. The decision I make today has no impact on tomorrow, except through rumor/public opinion. KOTOR. Mass Effect. Oblivion. BioShock. Games should come with a disclaimer of Mother Theresa/Baby Eating Morality.

The fight scenes are not as enjoyable as Dark Space or Half-Life. Environmental manipulation is limited. There’s TONS of things to open up and grab the shit inside… but as soon as you point your mouse at them, you know they are empty… it’s like you’re fucking psychic. So… there’s absolutely NO IMMERSION. Every time you find a medkit, I think, “In a post-apocalyptic world, people are dying everywhere… and this medkit found in the center of a well-populated environment has either been judiciously restocked before I got here OR no one else thought of EVER opening up the medkit.”

Even the Super Duper Mart has everything… and I mean everything… inside.

You know, as I write this review, I’m actually convincing myself I haven’t been having fun playing this fucking game. I’m actually angry with myself because I didn’t realize it until 4 days later. I’ve haven’t been playing a game, I’ve been going through the motions trying to “find the good stuff,” wanting to “find a gem buried in the gameplay” and thinking constantly, “Man, this would be better if…”

Ah! It’s like I’ve been living a Christian life, getting to my death bed and realizing, “SHIT! This heavenly god crap is bollocks!” Bethesda did create a “triple AAA” game. They did maintain most of the themes, gore, and some of the humor. But in short, it’s just not fun.

And once again, I’m dissing on the most popular game on the market wondering why people design, play and buy this shit.

So let me edit my reviewer creds:
Do I intend to finish the game? No, I’m going to go home an uninstall it.

I want more gaming enjoyment, fuckers.